How do adult third culture kids make friends?
Adult TCKs are usually good at making friends quickly - it was a survival skill growing up - but often find it harder to keep them, because friends are scattered across countries. What tends to help is finding other people with a similar story, through international communities, alumni networks, and TCK-specific spaces.
Fast friends, far away
Moving every few years teaches you to skip small talk and get to the real conversation fast. Lyttle, Barker and Cornwell (2011) found third culture individuals showed greater interpersonal sensitivity - reading people and social cues - which helps in exactly those first conversations.
The harder part is depth over time. With friends spread across continents, adult TCKs often have a wide network and few people nearby who know the whole story.
Free, online
Meet other TCKs
Pick a theme and a time - once enough people want it, we host a small online meetup.
Pick a time →Where TCKs find each other
International school alumni groups, expat and international communities in big cities, online TCK communities, and - on Oh My Person - small online meetups where the icebreakers are questions only TCKs have answers to.
Read next
What the research says
Found that third culture individuals showed greater interpersonal sensitivity - reading people and social cues - than people who grew up in one culture.
Lyttle, A. D., Barker, G. G. & Cornwell, T. L. (2011). Adept through adaptation: Third culture individuals' interpersonal sensitivity. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 35(5), 686-694.The standard reference on TCKs. Defines a TCK as someone who spends a significant part of their developmental years outside their parents' culture, and describes the common profile: the hard "where are you from?" question, the 'cultural chameleon', the 'hidden immigrant' feeling in the passport country, restlessness, and particular relationship patterns.
Pollock, D. C., Van Reken, R. E. & Pollock, M. V. Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds (1999; 3rd ed. 2017). Nicholas Brealey.
Frequently asked questions
Why is it hard for TCKs to keep friends?+
Mostly geography: friendships form quickly in each place, then get spread across countries and time zones with every move.